The Joy in Frustration
There is nothing like dealing with a government agency or a nonprofit to drive you to pray. The ins and outs of money and bureaucracy is a recipe for frustration. As parents, all we want is services for our loved ones with special needs. Yet the term ALL appears to be the crux of the matter. I often want more than the agency, provider, or service worker wants to give my son.
Blessedly, I’m getting better at recovering from these bumpy interactions. The level of frustration with delays, inefficiencies and COVID breakdown have left me a little smarter this time around. When my autistic son was younger, I was often outraged about denials of services and battling with the school system and others for everything I could get. Now, I view frustration as a sign to change tactics or behavior. Just because a situation is not going the way I expect or want, is no reason to get ballistic.
In these situations, here are ways I change my mindset:
Change tactics. See frustration as a sign that I need to change tactics. Either I need to get advice on the subject or I need to adjust my expectations downward. This allows me to reduce my anger and anxiety and look for other options.
Examine alternatives. What can I do or who can I hire to help achieve the goal(s) for my son? By opening my mind to other options, this allows me a level of control and it forces me to think more broader: What does he really need? How can I supplement his learning? What is he doing now that we can focus on or expand on to achieve the goal? Who can I ask for help?
Continue to learn. Sometimes what I need is information. I need to learn more about a different topic, dive into a webinar, follow up with sources, listen to a podcast, take a course or read a book. Identify someone I can talk to.
Move to acceptance. This is often harder than it seems. The truth is I want what I want when I want it. I want the service provider to provide services as discussed. I want the state
agency to pay the provider, so I don’t have to email them both every day for updates. The sooner I release expectations and move toward understanding the better. For instance, ask yourself, “How do these people work and what’s the best way to get things done?” They need weekly reminders, fine. Changing our tempto to get what we need is the goal, not that the individual or entity will manage their operations the way we would. (Granted, that would be nice!)
Naturally, I am still growing in this area and there will always be new ‘surprises,” as my son ages. I’ve discovered the one constant in life is that I can only control myself. Armed with this knowledge, I can seek to navigate life’s journey in a way that is more productive, beneficial and joyful for me, my son, and others.